Life as I know it... never lived on my own terms. I wonder how it would have all been so different. If only, I had the gall to face the consequences. I am in a rut with no hope of getting out, all because I don't seem to want to take the hard stance. I don't have anybody else to blame. It does not make sense to pour out my heart here on this forum. I also know that what I write here today may come back to bite me in the ass some day. But today, who cares? I guess the pain that I am going through right now, makes everything alright, even thought it may not be.
One of the things that I keep wondering and hoping for is a time machine that will help me turn back time and I promise myself that I would do things so differently that I won't have any regrets. Is that so? Tell me one person in this world who does not have any regrets. One person who has never felt any pain, sadness, sorrow... I am only trying to run away from the inevitable? There will always be consequences of what you do. I may be insignificant or life-altering, but consequences there will be.
So, the question I should then ask myself is what can I do to change my current situation. The situation that I have been in since the last 9 years now. I had an opportunity to exit, but was caught up in the web and never managed to wriggle my way out. If only I had Houdini for company... Sigh! As you can see, digressing for the topic comes easy to me. rarely will you find a clear chain of thought in my words or actions. always afraid of taking any decisions, the kind of people that every desists. What do I have to loose? A lot, physically, financially, emotionally. But what do I have to gain? I am not sure. This uncertainty of what the future holds for me is what scares the shit out of me. How does it matter, I say? Would it be any worse than what I am living right now? Would it be any better?
Simply put I seem to be afraidof change... simply afraid.
One of the things that I keep wondering and hoping for is a time machine that will help me turn back time and I promise myself that I would do things so differently that I won't have any regrets. Is that so? Tell me one person in this world who does not have any regrets. One person who has never felt any pain, sadness, sorrow... I am only trying to run away from the inevitable? There will always be consequences of what you do. I may be insignificant or life-altering, but consequences there will be.
So, the question I should then ask myself is what can I do to change my current situation. The situation that I have been in since the last 9 years now. I had an opportunity to exit, but was caught up in the web and never managed to wriggle my way out. If only I had Houdini for company... Sigh! As you can see, digressing for the topic comes easy to me. rarely will you find a clear chain of thought in my words or actions. always afraid of taking any decisions, the kind of people that every desists. What do I have to loose? A lot, physically, financially, emotionally. But what do I have to gain? I am not sure. This uncertainty of what the future holds for me is what scares the shit out of me. How does it matter, I say? Would it be any worse than what I am living right now? Would it be any better?
Simply put I seem to be afraid
